I only want to get paid for writing.
not enormous amounts.
just enough to pay the bills for a little while so I can not work.
There is so much to do, and I come here, and I say it, and then I go away for a while, busy. And then I come back and say it all again...
Monday, June 16, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
Puzzle Pieces
I've been copying and pasting for half an hour. putting the pieces of Kath's story in the correct order.
Just a moment ago, i erased "Kath's story" and started to rewrite Spencer's story. but who am i kidding? this is kath's story.
I've gotten input from several places on the gender problems, of the referring to gender for a character such as Kath, in Kath's circumstances.
I laid out an outline, in three main parts (because Spencer spends three days at the Enaj Estate recovering from his time in Kath's word, before returning to his father and his home world), and in each section i must decide how i will refer to kath.
I already know that i never want Aniste to say "he." She, who is in posession of Kath's secret, will be the only one who never outwardly lies, only lies by omission.
I have already written one or two moment of confusion and reflection in Spencer's own mind about how he sees Kath after he learns the truth, and after that truth becomes important. Since it is in first person, from Spence's pov, I can always use the "he" term for Kath, because it works.
But i'm thinking i need to, at some point, write a great deal of the storyline without any gender. And it's hard to do, but not impossible. I think the point after Kath comes back to Oaklusa is the point where Spencer will stop referring to Kath as "he," and begin, instead, to leave Kath ungendered even in his own mind.
I'm still planning on, in some way, telling the story in fragments, and non sequentially, but the sequence in which they were written is cumbersome, and it is difficult to find what i'm looking for when i'm looking for it.
So copy and paste. Shift the puzzle pieces around until you have something that resembles what you're working toward. And that's why sometimes i prefer lego blocks to puzzle pieces, when i'm making this analogy. Puzzle implies that there is only one way this picture can turn out. If i'm playing with legos, i am able to freestyle at any moment, and change the course of events for everyone involved...
also, i gave the Seoul Sister Shade and Shadow to read. partly because she wants to read it, and partly because i need someone with a grammatical and proofing sort of eye to give it a once over and fix only the things that NEED fixing, which i would not be able to do on scribe (and it would cost me a lot of karma to get all five of those chapters up there. i'm not in the mood for that).
Just a moment ago, i erased "Kath's story" and started to rewrite Spencer's story. but who am i kidding? this is kath's story.
I've gotten input from several places on the gender problems, of the referring to gender for a character such as Kath, in Kath's circumstances.
I laid out an outline, in three main parts (because Spencer spends three days at the Enaj Estate recovering from his time in Kath's word, before returning to his father and his home world), and in each section i must decide how i will refer to kath.
I already know that i never want Aniste to say "he." She, who is in posession of Kath's secret, will be the only one who never outwardly lies, only lies by omission.
I have already written one or two moment of confusion and reflection in Spencer's own mind about how he sees Kath after he learns the truth, and after that truth becomes important. Since it is in first person, from Spence's pov, I can always use the "he" term for Kath, because it works.
But i'm thinking i need to, at some point, write a great deal of the storyline without any gender. And it's hard to do, but not impossible. I think the point after Kath comes back to Oaklusa is the point where Spencer will stop referring to Kath as "he," and begin, instead, to leave Kath ungendered even in his own mind.
I'm still planning on, in some way, telling the story in fragments, and non sequentially, but the sequence in which they were written is cumbersome, and it is difficult to find what i'm looking for when i'm looking for it.
So copy and paste. Shift the puzzle pieces around until you have something that resembles what you're working toward. And that's why sometimes i prefer lego blocks to puzzle pieces, when i'm making this analogy. Puzzle implies that there is only one way this picture can turn out. If i'm playing with legos, i am able to freestyle at any moment, and change the course of events for everyone involved...
also, i gave the Seoul Sister Shade and Shadow to read. partly because she wants to read it, and partly because i need someone with a grammatical and proofing sort of eye to give it a once over and fix only the things that NEED fixing, which i would not be able to do on scribe (and it would cost me a lot of karma to get all five of those chapters up there. i'm not in the mood for that).
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Oh, Edonith
I made some pretty harsh statements about this character a few days back. that was cruel of me. i was frustrated. i apologize, Edonith. i have had many issues with the character over the years. one that sticks out the most is the many, many times that I've written the reunion-turned-attempted-abandonment between Anka and Edonith in The Prophet. his emotions during that scene ranged from nothing to apathy.
Then, one time, i made him mad. And that stuck. and it felt good. I was finally able to yell at Anka for all the bullshit i'd allowed her to get up to, and i used her lover's voice as a speaker box.
So i had hopes for sad, quiet Edonith. and being stuck on his childhood story for so long just sort of blew me over the edge.
But yesterday the Gator asked if we could go in her room to play. She had the tablet, i had a notebook, and in between turns of Pudding Monsters i finally got Edonith's childhood down on paper.
it's mediocre. and i may have broken the rules in introducing Loki into Edonith's story, where he has a story of his own. But in doing so, i ended up writing Edonith's story so as to appear the last in the series, which had not been the plan.
but then i thought of something else. There's this little fragment i was gonna stick at the end of The Guide, the moment of Milah choosing Daniel, to lead up into Daniel's story. but it seemed out of place. well, that's not where it's going anymore. i have added it to the end of the list, after Edonith. And i have rewritten the order so as to tell the best story.
it's going to work, i hope. these almost quick-sketch stories of character reveals, i am hoping they will draw readers in.
if i draw them in, though, i will have to follow through with the everything else.
oh geez. oh geez.
Then, one time, i made him mad. And that stuck. and it felt good. I was finally able to yell at Anka for all the bullshit i'd allowed her to get up to, and i used her lover's voice as a speaker box.
So i had hopes for sad, quiet Edonith. and being stuck on his childhood story for so long just sort of blew me over the edge.
But yesterday the Gator asked if we could go in her room to play. She had the tablet, i had a notebook, and in between turns of Pudding Monsters i finally got Edonith's childhood down on paper.
it's mediocre. and i may have broken the rules in introducing Loki into Edonith's story, where he has a story of his own. But in doing so, i ended up writing Edonith's story so as to appear the last in the series, which had not been the plan.
but then i thought of something else. There's this little fragment i was gonna stick at the end of The Guide, the moment of Milah choosing Daniel, to lead up into Daniel's story. but it seemed out of place. well, that's not where it's going anymore. i have added it to the end of the list, after Edonith. And i have rewritten the order so as to tell the best story.
it's going to work, i hope. these almost quick-sketch stories of character reveals, i am hoping they will draw readers in.
if i draw them in, though, i will have to follow through with the everything else.
oh geez. oh geez.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
When Did the Definition of Pro-choice Change?
Sometimes i have things to say that aren't about writing, but that are a practice of my skills, i find myself needing a venue to post to. so here is another. one i think about often...
When did pro-choice come to mean (at least to pro-lifers) "pro-abortion"
I am pro-choice. Does this mean i am pro-abortion. No. absolutely not. And you know what? When i enter into a discussion on the topic, rest assured that i know exactly what the process entails. I know how horrible, and horrifying, and sad the procedure is. I know what happens. I know. There is no need to try to shock me with graphic details or guilt me with talk of a baby's beating heart. I know. I'm not pro-abortion. I am pro-choice.
Me? I don't think i would or could ever have an abortion, but that's the me, happy in my marriage, my new house, trying for a new baby, no problems that threaten, no scandals that scare. Should my situation change, i would be forced to assess the change in my own soul and decide what needs to be done. Part of abortion that the rabid pro-lifers never give themselves time to think about seems to be the torment of the mothers who are forced to face such a decision, or those who have had to make it. I hear too often that they are murderers.
No, they're not.
I don't believe that a baby in utero is a person. a pending person, sure, but mostly just a parasite. I thought that for much of my own pregnancy. This little creature attached to my insides, eating my food, weakening my bones, draining my energy, taking up my space. I loved her dearly, once she came out, but a big part of why i love her is because she came out.
These pending people, of course, deserve love, and good care, and attention to their needs, but their rights should never EVER supercede those of the woman who is giving her everything to allow them life. And even when that pending person has reached a stage where it is potentially viable to survive without mother, albeit with medical intervention, they should not have more rights than mother. At that point, yes, the same amount of rights, but no more.
I do not want there to be abortion. I do not want this procedure to be in the back of every sexually active woman's mind as the final stop-gap between being a mother and not being a mother.
What do I want?
I want nonsecular, scientific, useful sexual and reproductive education taught to our children in schools at the appropriate age. If you balk at this, you better be giving your children the education yourselves. The right education, with the right terms, the correct consequences, and more options than just abstinence. Because children don't abstain from the things they're not supposed to do. Ask my Gator whether she's allowed to touch the TV and she'll say "No touchy TV." But you may find her, an hour later, with her sticky fingers all over the screen.
I want affordable and accesible family planning (and the term "Family Planning" seems to also become a psudenym to the opposed for abortion as well. No.) in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies for those too young, or unwilling for children at this moment.
I want afforadable and accesible prenatal care for every pregnancy for every pending human so we know they are safe and healthy and we are able to provide for their needs.
A bottom-up approach, not top down. Banning all abortion will not stop abortion, look at drugs. look at prohibition. If we take these steps from the beginning of a child's life, we can change the way the child looks at the world. Education in order to phase abortion out, so that it still exists for rare instances, but is never pondered lightly, because there is never an unplanned pregnancy. You don't get that by standing in an abortion clinic parking lot throwing doll parts at heartbroken women. You get that by going into the schools and doing what's right.
But, for now, I do want there to be a ban on abortion after a certain point, and for a time I was opposed to most pro-choicers when they were fighting the 20-week ban. But then i read this article. I'm pretty sure i cried all the way through, in sadness and in relief. The final paragraph killed me and it changed my mind. There needs to be a limit, there needs to be a certain-week ban, but placing it at the ultrasound, where most birth defects are found, is wrong. Yes, there will be a loss of pending people with Down Syndrom, which is both challening and beautiful, or with spina bifida, scary but not debilitating. But that 20-week ban would also be sentencing severely deformed babies, like the one in the article and others, and their parents to a traumatic and painful birth, an agonizing life, a too-soon death. Abortion as end of life care, because the quality of that pending person's life, after birth, would have contained only pain, and torment and fear. You wouldn't wish that on your ailing grandfather, so you bring hospice in, and he gets morphine. Why do you wish that upon the soon-to-be-born?
I am not pro-abortion, i am pro-choice. Meaning that everyone has a choice to make for themselves and the welfare of their own mind and soul and family. The only abortion I need to concern myself is the one that I would have. The only abortion you need to concern yourself is the one you would have. And have you no uterus? Well, as the wise Rachel Green stated, you have no opinion.
How about take the time out of trying to shock the pro-choicers, and go into your nearby school to fight for sexual education. Educate away the idea from the minds of the girls and boys there, before they even have it.
When did pro-choice come to mean (at least to pro-lifers) "pro-abortion"
I am pro-choice. Does this mean i am pro-abortion. No. absolutely not. And you know what? When i enter into a discussion on the topic, rest assured that i know exactly what the process entails. I know how horrible, and horrifying, and sad the procedure is. I know what happens. I know. There is no need to try to shock me with graphic details or guilt me with talk of a baby's beating heart. I know. I'm not pro-abortion. I am pro-choice.
Me? I don't think i would or could ever have an abortion, but that's the me, happy in my marriage, my new house, trying for a new baby, no problems that threaten, no scandals that scare. Should my situation change, i would be forced to assess the change in my own soul and decide what needs to be done. Part of abortion that the rabid pro-lifers never give themselves time to think about seems to be the torment of the mothers who are forced to face such a decision, or those who have had to make it. I hear too often that they are murderers.
No, they're not.
I don't believe that a baby in utero is a person. a pending person, sure, but mostly just a parasite. I thought that for much of my own pregnancy. This little creature attached to my insides, eating my food, weakening my bones, draining my energy, taking up my space. I loved her dearly, once she came out, but a big part of why i love her is because she came out.
These pending people, of course, deserve love, and good care, and attention to their needs, but their rights should never EVER supercede those of the woman who is giving her everything to allow them life. And even when that pending person has reached a stage where it is potentially viable to survive without mother, albeit with medical intervention, they should not have more rights than mother. At that point, yes, the same amount of rights, but no more.
I do not want there to be abortion. I do not want this procedure to be in the back of every sexually active woman's mind as the final stop-gap between being a mother and not being a mother.
What do I want?
I want nonsecular, scientific, useful sexual and reproductive education taught to our children in schools at the appropriate age. If you balk at this, you better be giving your children the education yourselves. The right education, with the right terms, the correct consequences, and more options than just abstinence. Because children don't abstain from the things they're not supposed to do. Ask my Gator whether she's allowed to touch the TV and she'll say "No touchy TV." But you may find her, an hour later, with her sticky fingers all over the screen.
I want affordable and accesible family planning (and the term "Family Planning" seems to also become a psudenym to the opposed for abortion as well. No.) in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies for those too young, or unwilling for children at this moment.
I want afforadable and accesible prenatal care for every pregnancy for every pending human so we know they are safe and healthy and we are able to provide for their needs.
A bottom-up approach, not top down. Banning all abortion will not stop abortion, look at drugs. look at prohibition. If we take these steps from the beginning of a child's life, we can change the way the child looks at the world. Education in order to phase abortion out, so that it still exists for rare instances, but is never pondered lightly, because there is never an unplanned pregnancy. You don't get that by standing in an abortion clinic parking lot throwing doll parts at heartbroken women. You get that by going into the schools and doing what's right.
But, for now, I do want there to be a ban on abortion after a certain point, and for a time I was opposed to most pro-choicers when they were fighting the 20-week ban. But then i read this article. I'm pretty sure i cried all the way through, in sadness and in relief. The final paragraph killed me and it changed my mind. There needs to be a limit, there needs to be a certain-week ban, but placing it at the ultrasound, where most birth defects are found, is wrong. Yes, there will be a loss of pending people with Down Syndrom, which is both challening and beautiful, or with spina bifida, scary but not debilitating. But that 20-week ban would also be sentencing severely deformed babies, like the one in the article and others, and their parents to a traumatic and painful birth, an agonizing life, a too-soon death. Abortion as end of life care, because the quality of that pending person's life, after birth, would have contained only pain, and torment and fear. You wouldn't wish that on your ailing grandfather, so you bring hospice in, and he gets morphine. Why do you wish that upon the soon-to-be-born?
I am not pro-abortion, i am pro-choice. Meaning that everyone has a choice to make for themselves and the welfare of their own mind and soul and family. The only abortion I need to concern myself is the one that I would have. The only abortion you need to concern yourself is the one you would have. And have you no uterus? Well, as the wise Rachel Green stated, you have no opinion.
How about take the time out of trying to shock the pro-choicers, and go into your nearby school to fight for sexual education. Educate away the idea from the minds of the girls and boys there, before they even have it.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Catastrophic Failure
That's what i'm calling it because that's what it was. the loss of everything. every. thing.
but what i actually lost? 3 hours of audio. Some music that can be redownloaded. four paragraphs of revisions, maybe a handful of pictures.
i am very fucking lucky i had decided to back up all of my writing, and dump all of my necessary files onto usb drives in the very recent past. My dad has fixed it, given me a new hard drive. I must begin the process of rebuilding my comfy computer space. my shortcuts and my bookmarks...
In other, more depressing news, i suddenly realize that i don't know Edonith. Anka's true love and greatest annoyance. He saves her and he lets her go over and over again. He is tall and pale and good with plants. And he is quiet and friendly and welcoming.
These are the things i know about him, but he is so flat, so cardboard. I realized it as i sat down and tried to force myself to write his Children story. Because they are all moving forward but for his and Daniel's. I can't figure out how to write it. I can't figure out what to write that will show us what makes up Edonith, because Edonith is made up of nothing.
blah.
how do i even fucking fix that?
and what could he possibly be thinking about me for saying that??
...
you know what? probably nothing. because i never gave him a brain with which to think.
but what i actually lost? 3 hours of audio. Some music that can be redownloaded. four paragraphs of revisions, maybe a handful of pictures.
i am very fucking lucky i had decided to back up all of my writing, and dump all of my necessary files onto usb drives in the very recent past. My dad has fixed it, given me a new hard drive. I must begin the process of rebuilding my comfy computer space. my shortcuts and my bookmarks...
In other, more depressing news, i suddenly realize that i don't know Edonith. Anka's true love and greatest annoyance. He saves her and he lets her go over and over again. He is tall and pale and good with plants. And he is quiet and friendly and welcoming.
These are the things i know about him, but he is so flat, so cardboard. I realized it as i sat down and tried to force myself to write his Children story. Because they are all moving forward but for his and Daniel's. I can't figure out how to write it. I can't figure out what to write that will show us what makes up Edonith, because Edonith is made up of nothing.
blah.
how do i even fucking fix that?
and what could he possibly be thinking about me for saying that??
...
you know what? probably nothing. because i never gave him a brain with which to think.
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