And now I'm 31

I have a sort of plan. It involves my youngest daughter's preschool, still three years away. That is absurd. 

So there is a second plan but I am blocked there too, there is so much at stake. 

I am going to write these things. I am going to design this great story, even if only to myself. I have to get it out. It is not eating me, it is eating itself. There is so much I don't know what to do first or next or last. 

A new goal. A chapter a week. Can I do that? And not in among the stuff that is already there to confuse me. A fresh page. A blank sheet for this new and final vision. 

I have laid it out. The wood paneling adds something, don't you think?

It's not much yet, but that's okay. Because that binder is so full and everything has changed. I have to find the truth thread again. Forget about the future. We will get there. 

Parallel

Sometimes I think we pass back and forth between parallel dimensions. Sometimes things change. Okay, maybe it's the matrix. 

Today I stood in my sewing room staring at my serger for four, five minutes remembering. Because two or three days before I threaded it because mom was having trouble getting it to work. Then I tested it. 

I know I tested it. The fabric with the test seam was still connected. 

But the only machine cord plugged in on the table today is for my old sewing machine. A little digging and I finally found the cord in a bag, tied up still in the fancy Velcro from the repair place under the table. 

BUT I TESTED IT. 

Another instance of the same sort would be that one and only delivery run in the two years that I owned Buster, the red VW golf, the back doors EVER opened. Just that once. Never again. Not even later that same night. 

Watching Jupiter Ascending because The Mary Sue says it's the best bad movie. Lego head it wolfish rescuing a gril queen. I need to finish my stories before they've all already been told. 

iPhone

So I finally upgraded to the smart phone era and have found that in bed at night before I go to sleep I like to work on the novels.  I have found though something I knew but didn't entirely comprehend. 

In the catastrophic failure that turned my laptop from a useful piece of technology into a pile of crap that freezes when you dare to watch a video I lost all the story information that had been in scrivener. There were a lot of bits and pieces I had written in there and they are gone now. They were never put on paper first. 

Redo. Redo. Redo. 

Found!

I found the notebook.  It was on a shelf in the closet of the then-office now-baby's room that has yet to be cleared out of office related things.  And it is blue.

So i immediately sat down and read through Edonith's story.  i didn't even look at Daniel's because it's E's that has me ruminating.

This morning as i was working i made the decision to cut it completely from the collection of character intro teasers.  The teasers include Loki, Anka, Daniel and Carrie, Nesris, Boss and Milah.  These are my core characters.  Edonith is important, yes.  He is the reason that Anka survives a lot of her injuries, but is he so very important that i need a teaser for him?

That question made me wonder then about Nesris.  Yes, she eventually leads Daniel back to Carrie, but is she core?  Do i just not want to cut her because her story with Nasinair is so awesome, and the first one i did?

But no, i think in the end she will fits.  Because she is the connection between the Anka part of the verse to the Enaj twins, and they are, of course, important because they lead to another aspect of Spencer that his parents' story does not.  and if i plan, after the short stories, to release Shade and Shadow and Letters, this will be a connection that is needed.

But then, just a few minutes ago i decided i did need Edonith's story.  it gives his background of developing his Feeling Hands later in life than his people are accostumed to, but this is also something that can be explained in a few paragraphs, if that, by Barious after Anka's first meeting in the botony class with him...

he's important, but is he important enough?

Lost!

I'm missing a notebook.

the one with the last two short character stories...

I think it's blue...?

I'm really only posting because usually that means I'll find it....